Stay or not to stay

Two days ago Alina asked me to tell on Tuesday whether I am staying for longer. For the last two days, every minute, I kept thinking about it.

It would be great to learn some Chinese and be that cool person who can surprise people with her fancy vocabulary (or add it to my resume).

It would be great to learn how to cook Chinese dishes and bless the people at home.

It would be great to see more of China or Asia in general.

It would be great to learn some calligraphy or Chinese drawing style.

Yet, after skyping with Victoria yesterday I realised how much I want to come back, how much I want to have a community, how much I want to be in Europe, in Lithuania.

It is possible and I learned how to live in a place where I don’t understand 65 percent of what is happening around. But what is even harder is to not be able to connect with people. Language barrier is huge. While I can learn a few phrases in Chinese and some people know bits of English, lack of language skills mixed with culture..results in loneliness…or just learning to be by yourself.

I just read the book of James and it said that those who live selfish lives will perish. Isn’t it, this adventure of mine, a pure self-indulgence? Somehow I dread the work that would be soul sucking and would not want to go back to mindless, monotonous tasks similar to those that I did at LCC. Yet, that’s also part of life. At some point I will have to face it.
Talking with Victoria I also realised that coming back won’t be easy. I will probably be jobless for some time and then will probably at first not do the most heart warming one. Nobody is really waiting for me there. (well, job wise/not other aspects).

EE…life and its decisions…

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